Deep…

There’s so much more to be said after that, but I do not have the energy to acknowledge the emotional turmoil that’s inside of me.
Instead I cause the spark that lights the fire that burns bridges.
I pull people close but in the process I push them away when they discover who I really am, I push them away when they tell me the truth that I don’t want to hear.
I’m not brave, I’m cowardly.
I don’t tap into my inner warrior but instead I watch as others fulfill my dreams and do it all over again all because I’m too scared to try.
I claim that I’m living life to the fullest but that’s a lie, a dangerous lie because let me tell you the simple and plain truth, a lie only becomes dangerous when you start believing in the lies that you utter.
I am living in my dreams and dwelling in my fantasies, obviously oblivious to what is happening around me but strangely in touch at the same time. It’s time to stop living in my dreams and dwelling in my fantasies but I’m scared! There, Ive said it. I’m scared and it’s holding me back.
I’ve been hurt but I have not felt true pain and I don’t want to.
I don’t know what else to say, I didn’t even know how to start this but I’ve accomplished something, I’ve made peace with the truth.
And it’s definitely not you, it’s me.

Ok, so I wrote this last year when I resided in South Africa but I have to admit it was really nice to find this old poem and get a reminder of how far I’ve come as a ‘girl’ (still think I’m too childish to be called a woman so I still prefer girl.) but I hope that I continue to grow and change for the better.